Dear Diary,
Eating is a very important part of a person's life. Almost everything revolves around it. At a family gathering, people eat picnic foods. At a birthday, cake is a big hit. On a date, people go out to eat and a movie. Eating helps sustain life.
Eating is essential, or so I thought.
I have not eaten in over 365 days.
I have not eaten in over 1 year.
I physically cannot sustain life without assistance.
Three years ago, I was diagnosed with gastroparesis. My stomach is basically paralyzed. The nerves do not work. The muscles do not work. My stomach is essentially dead. Since then, I was diagnosed with CIP or Chronic Intestinal Pseudo-Obstruction. This basically means that my intestines are slow. The nerves don't work, so pseudo-obstructions are formed because the intestines don't move things through them. My muscles in my intestines work a little with a medicine, but without proper medicine they don't work fully. My digestive tract does not work properly.
I cannot eat, therefore, I cannot live without assistance, diary.
I eat through my veins. Every night I am hooked up to Total Paraenteral Nutrition. This goes through a Port, which is a medical device under my skin that contains a tube that goes directly into a major vein and continues to a place right before my heart.
This is my lifeline.
Without this, I would not be able to stay nourished.
Without this, I would die.
This lifeline can also end up being the death of me. There aren't many things in life that don't have risks or consequences. This is no exception. I have already suffered a blood clot and two blood infections due to central lines. It's weird to think that the only thing keeping you alive can also kill you, but this is my reality. My diseases can kill me, or my treatments can. Others have died from these complications.
I have another tube. It is called a GJ tube. It goes from outside my abdomen and into my stomache. Another tube connected goes to my jejunum. I use the jejunal tube to try to push formula into my intestines. I do not accept this kind of feed well. I cannot accept enough to survive on just this type of feeds. I barely accept anything at all. The g part of my tube allows me to drain if I need it. It's like throwing up without actually having to throw up. With these illnesses, that is a much needed relief. These diseases can cause severe nausea and vomiting almost around the clock. It can cause pain and many other symptoms.
Life isn't promised to people like me, diary. I fight to survive.
Because, in reality,
I cannot keep myself alive, and someday my treatments may not be able to either.
Love Forever & Always,
Me
Eating is a very important part of a person's life. Almost everything revolves around it. At a family gathering, people eat picnic foods. At a birthday, cake is a big hit. On a date, people go out to eat and a movie. Eating helps sustain life.
Eating is essential, or so I thought.
I have not eaten in over 365 days.
I have not eaten in over 1 year.
I physically cannot sustain life without assistance.
Three years ago, I was diagnosed with gastroparesis. My stomach is basically paralyzed. The nerves do not work. The muscles do not work. My stomach is essentially dead. Since then, I was diagnosed with CIP or Chronic Intestinal Pseudo-Obstruction. This basically means that my intestines are slow. The nerves don't work, so pseudo-obstructions are formed because the intestines don't move things through them. My muscles in my intestines work a little with a medicine, but without proper medicine they don't work fully. My digestive tract does not work properly.
I cannot eat, therefore, I cannot live without assistance, diary.
I eat through my veins. Every night I am hooked up to Total Paraenteral Nutrition. This goes through a Port, which is a medical device under my skin that contains a tube that goes directly into a major vein and continues to a place right before my heart.
This is my lifeline.
Without this, I would not be able to stay nourished.
Without this, I would die.
This lifeline can also end up being the death of me. There aren't many things in life that don't have risks or consequences. This is no exception. I have already suffered a blood clot and two blood infections due to central lines. It's weird to think that the only thing keeping you alive can also kill you, but this is my reality. My diseases can kill me, or my treatments can. Others have died from these complications.
I have another tube. It is called a GJ tube. It goes from outside my abdomen and into my stomache. Another tube connected goes to my jejunum. I use the jejunal tube to try to push formula into my intestines. I do not accept this kind of feed well. I cannot accept enough to survive on just this type of feeds. I barely accept anything at all. The g part of my tube allows me to drain if I need it. It's like throwing up without actually having to throw up. With these illnesses, that is a much needed relief. These diseases can cause severe nausea and vomiting almost around the clock. It can cause pain and many other symptoms.
Life isn't promised to people like me, diary. I fight to survive.
Because, in reality,
I cannot keep myself alive, and someday my treatments may not be able to either.
Love Forever & Always,
Me
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