"You can take everything I have.
You can break everything I am.
Like I'm made of glass.
Like I'm made of paper.
Go on and try to tear me down.
I will be rising from the ground,
Like a skyscraper, Like a skyscraper."
--Demi Lovato "Skyscraper"
Dear Diary,
I've been struggling with this for a long time. I've struggled with myself, with my past, with my present, with who I am, with my illness. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have asked myself "Why me?" and "What did I do wrong?". I can't even begin to tell you how many people I have lost, diary. I can't even begin to tell you what my life has been like. I can't begin to explain what goes through my head on a daily basis; the fight I constantly have with myself in order to stay positive and not blame myself.
I'm not a bad person.
I'm finally starting to realize that this isn't my fault. It is not my fault that I am sick. It is not my fault that I hurt. It's not my fault that people walk away. It's not my fault that people don't understand. It's not my fault that I'm not normal.
I have worked so hard to be normal. I've tried my best to go out, meet new people, to just be able to stay up with my friends. I've had to work the past three years to show people that I'm still me. I'm still the person they've always known.
I have worked so hard to show people that I am not my illness. That I am so much more than that. I really don't get why I'm defined by what I have rather than who I am.
I am so much more than just the "sick girl".
I am so much more than my illnesses
and I think I'm done, diary.
I think I'm done trying to convince people who I am because if they can't see who I am, if they can't take the time to get to know me, than I don't need them in my life. If they can't see that I'm the type of person who will smile through the pain. The type of person that will feel horrible and run down, but still be more worried about the kid down the hall who is sick. The type of person that will fight for everything I have, everything I am, and everything I love.The type of person who above all things is a fighter, is resilient, and will never back down. Than I don't need those people in my life.
I am ill, but ill isn't who I am.
I will never be normal, and I'm starting to be okay with that. I accept who I am. I accept that I'm chronically ill. I accept that I may never get better. I accept that I was dealt a hard hand in life and I'm okay with this. I've learned so much from being sick and in a way, my illness made me who I am today. It may not define me, but it has helped me find myself.
I am strong.
I will fight.
I will get by
and in the end, I will smile and be okay.
Because that is who I am.
I am a fighter. I am resilient. I am beautiful. I am a good person.
And above all,
I am alive.
Love Forever & Always,
Me
You can break everything I am.
Like I'm made of glass.
Like I'm made of paper.
Go on and try to tear me down.
I will be rising from the ground,
Like a skyscraper, Like a skyscraper."
--Demi Lovato "Skyscraper"
Dear Diary,
I've been struggling with this for a long time. I've struggled with myself, with my past, with my present, with who I am, with my illness. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have asked myself "Why me?" and "What did I do wrong?". I can't even begin to tell you how many people I have lost, diary. I can't even begin to tell you what my life has been like. I can't begin to explain what goes through my head on a daily basis; the fight I constantly have with myself in order to stay positive and not blame myself.
I'm not a bad person.
I'm finally starting to realize that this isn't my fault. It is not my fault that I am sick. It is not my fault that I hurt. It's not my fault that people walk away. It's not my fault that people don't understand. It's not my fault that I'm not normal.
I have worked so hard to be normal. I've tried my best to go out, meet new people, to just be able to stay up with my friends. I've had to work the past three years to show people that I'm still me. I'm still the person they've always known.
I have worked so hard to show people that I am not my illness. That I am so much more than that. I really don't get why I'm defined by what I have rather than who I am.
I am so much more than just the "sick girl".
I am so much more than my illnesses
and I think I'm done, diary.
I think I'm done trying to convince people who I am because if they can't see who I am, if they can't take the time to get to know me, than I don't need them in my life. If they can't see that I'm the type of person who will smile through the pain. The type of person that will feel horrible and run down, but still be more worried about the kid down the hall who is sick. The type of person that will fight for everything I have, everything I am, and everything I love.The type of person who above all things is a fighter, is resilient, and will never back down. Than I don't need those people in my life.
I am ill, but ill isn't who I am.
I will never be normal, and I'm starting to be okay with that. I accept who I am. I accept that I'm chronically ill. I accept that I may never get better. I accept that I was dealt a hard hand in life and I'm okay with this. I've learned so much from being sick and in a way, my illness made me who I am today. It may not define me, but it has helped me find myself.
I am strong.
I will fight.
I will get by
and in the end, I will smile and be okay.
Because that is who I am.
I am a fighter. I am resilient. I am beautiful. I am a good person.
And above all,
I am alive.
Love Forever & Always,
Me
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