"Everything I Know is Wrong,
Everything I Do, It Just Comes Undone
and Everything is Torn Apart.
Oh, and It's the Hardest Part
That's the Hardest Part."
--ColdPlay "The Hardest Part"
Dear Diary,
I've made a realization today. It came after my best friend left. We were looking at quotes and I saw one that said "Let Go". A simple two words. Not even long ones, but they held meaning for me because I realized one of the hardest parts of dealing with a chronic illness is letting go. Now don't get all thinking I mean letting go as in dying. I don't. I just realized that there is a lot of things you have to let go of in order to deal with an illness. And maybe you don't realize that you're letting go of them until they're gone, but it doesn't make it any easier when you do realize it.
Here are some of those things.
1. This is probably the most important. The one that effects you the most.
You need to let go of yourself in order to become a different you.
You need to embrace and accept that your life is going to change. You need to be able to get rid of your old worries like boyfriends, friends, and makeup and realize that certain things in life are more important than high school drama, crushes, and who does and doesn't like you. I think this happens whether you want it to or not. It's not something you can control.
2. You need to let go of people.
I don't think I even realized this one at first. People have always told me that someday a person's true colors will show. And perhaps, this is most accurate during times of hardship. I can't tell you how many people have shown me their true colors since I've got sick. How many "friends" didn't call to check up on me or even acknowledge me anymore. How many people let me down. How many times my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, broke up with me because other things in life became too important. This isn't a bad thing, though. I would being lying if I said this is an easy thing to go through. It sucks that people that were once so important can walk away. However, you realize that the people that stay in your life, that check on you every day and visit you when you're in the hospital, that make it a point to be there for you and make you feel important are the only ones you actually want in your life. My family. My true friends. They are the people that I want in my life. It took me a while to realize and it hurt to lose friends, but I am a better person for it. I am more whole. My life consists of people that care about me and love me. Not people who only like me for my clothes, hair, or the drama that brings them entertainment.
3. You need to let go of your weaknesses
in order to find your strength.
You need to find your strength. And I'm not talking about the "I lift things up and put them down."type strength(although I'm sure that never hurts), rather more of your inner strength. The strength that is going to push you to the next day when you feel like crap and are tired. The strength that will make you fight for what's important; Your life. The strength that will keep you going when all else fails; for your friends, for your family, for the people you love, but most importantly for yourself.
Diary, I could go on for a while, but I think I'll stop now. Those things are the most important things. I didn't even notice how much I had to let go of these things in order to deal with my illness. I think the person I am now is who I was supposed to be all along. These changes aren't bad. Maybe I couldn't see that before, but now I can.
Everything happens for a reason.
Love Forever & Always,
Me
Everything I Do, It Just Comes Undone
and Everything is Torn Apart.
Oh, and It's the Hardest Part
That's the Hardest Part."
--ColdPlay "The Hardest Part"
Dear Diary,
I've made a realization today. It came after my best friend left. We were looking at quotes and I saw one that said "Let Go". A simple two words. Not even long ones, but they held meaning for me because I realized one of the hardest parts of dealing with a chronic illness is letting go. Now don't get all thinking I mean letting go as in dying. I don't. I just realized that there is a lot of things you have to let go of in order to deal with an illness. And maybe you don't realize that you're letting go of them until they're gone, but it doesn't make it any easier when you do realize it.
Here are some of those things.
1. This is probably the most important. The one that effects you the most.
You need to let go of yourself in order to become a different you.
You need to embrace and accept that your life is going to change. You need to be able to get rid of your old worries like boyfriends, friends, and makeup and realize that certain things in life are more important than high school drama, crushes, and who does and doesn't like you. I think this happens whether you want it to or not. It's not something you can control.
2. You need to let go of people.
I don't think I even realized this one at first. People have always told me that someday a person's true colors will show. And perhaps, this is most accurate during times of hardship. I can't tell you how many people have shown me their true colors since I've got sick. How many "friends" didn't call to check up on me or even acknowledge me anymore. How many people let me down. How many times my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, broke up with me because other things in life became too important. This isn't a bad thing, though. I would being lying if I said this is an easy thing to go through. It sucks that people that were once so important can walk away. However, you realize that the people that stay in your life, that check on you every day and visit you when you're in the hospital, that make it a point to be there for you and make you feel important are the only ones you actually want in your life. My family. My true friends. They are the people that I want in my life. It took me a while to realize and it hurt to lose friends, but I am a better person for it. I am more whole. My life consists of people that care about me and love me. Not people who only like me for my clothes, hair, or the drama that brings them entertainment.
3. You need to let go of your weaknesses
in order to find your strength.
You need to find your strength. And I'm not talking about the "I lift things up and put them down."type strength(although I'm sure that never hurts), rather more of your inner strength. The strength that is going to push you to the next day when you feel like crap and are tired. The strength that will make you fight for what's important; Your life. The strength that will keep you going when all else fails; for your friends, for your family, for the people you love, but most importantly for yourself.
Diary, I could go on for a while, but I think I'll stop now. Those things are the most important things. I didn't even notice how much I had to let go of these things in order to deal with my illness. I think the person I am now is who I was supposed to be all along. These changes aren't bad. Maybe I couldn't see that before, but now I can.
Everything happens for a reason.
Love Forever & Always,
Me
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