Monday, July 29, 2013

Bruises

"These bruises make for better conversation.
Loses the vibe that separates.
It's good to let you in again.
You're not alone in how you've been.
Everybody loses, We all got bruises.
We all got bruises."
--Train "Bruises"

Dear Diary,

Sometimes, I sit here and think of all the things I've been through in life. The good. The bad. The pretty. The ugly. The past and future. I think about what I lost and what I gained. 
I think about all the things I've learned, and all the things that I have yet to learn.
I think of the battles I've won, and the battles I lost. I think of the fights and struggles that changed my life. 
I think of all the bruises.
The ones everybody can see, and the ones hidden deep inside myself.
I think of all the memories and stories that come with them.
I think of other people's bruises, and it makes me wonder.
It makes me wonder what other people are going through.
It makes me wonder about all the pain and joy I can't see.
It makes me wonder if anyone ever wonders about my bruises, my stories.
Sometimes, I wonder if the bruises ever really go away.
I don't think they do. 
I think, sometimes, they change.
Sometimes, they lessen. They get smaller. They look better, but I think deep inside they always stick with us.
I feel myself getting scared sometimes. Scared that something will happen.
Anxious that there will always be a black cloud there.
Nervous for the struggles and obstacles to come after the good.
And then I realize, that I'm the one that's causing those feelings.
I'm the one letting my past influence my feelings.
I'm the one with the bruises.
There isn't always going to be a storm. There isn't always going to be bad things coming with the good. Sometimes, there will be. 
Things happen. That is life, but that doesn't take the happiness away from the good things.
I'm the only one that can do that.
I'm the only one that can control how much I let the past effect me.
The obstacles don't happen to take the good things away.
They are two different things. There will always be obstacles, but with the obstacles, there will always come things to learn. Things to feel. Things to find out about myself.
Maybe it's not that the good brings obstacles, but that the obstacles bring on the good.
Maybe this doesn't make sense at all.
But, I think I'm starting to love all my bruises. I think I'm realizing that I wouldn't change my past or present for the world.
I am who I am, every struggle, every obstacle, every great thing.
I wouldn't want my life to be any other way.
I'm glad I have bruises. 
I'm glad I am who I am.


Love Forever and Always,
Me 


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