"I've got bruises on my hands and knees,
And a list of failures in between.
Always dirty, I am never clean,
Music is what you hear, and not what you see.
There's something wrong. This isn't right.
I make the rules or I'm gone tonight.
I signed the line, but I didn't lose control.
They'll tell you lies right to your eyes.
Before you know, they'll suck you dry."
-- Anarbor "Always Dirty, Never Clean"
Dear Diary,
There's a lot going on in my mind lately. Let's face it, there's always a lot going on in my mind.
I'm really not sure what direction I'm going to go with this conversation right now.
But, sometimes I just don't get it, diary.
Sometimes I just don't get the world or the people in it. It seems so easy to lose yourself in everything. In things that just don't matter at all. It seems that it doesn't take much for people to forget that they are surrounded by other human beings. Human beings who they should be helping.
You can only get things done right if you do them yourself.
I've heard it many times. You've heard it many times. We've all heard in many times.
I don't want to believe that. I don't want to believe that I can only get things done if I do them myself. And I shouldn't have to believe that.
But that's the thing about life, isn't it, diary?
Reality isn't always what you want.
It bothers me though. It bothers me that people need to benefit in order to do something for someone else. And all I can ask is why? Why isn't it good enough to just help someone to help them? Why don't other people feel the need to help, even if it's just with something simple?
Isn't that what we were all put here to do? To help each other? To be the best people we can be?
Sometimes I feel like the world is a complete mess, and no ones willing to help out. A really good friend of mine once compared the world to a styrofoam cup.
She couldn't have been anymore right.
We just keep picking at the cup, wearing it down. Tearing it apart. I wonder what is going to happen in the end.
Because what is really going to be left?
What is going to be left of this world in a few years if no one's willing to help anyone else?
I don't know if I'll be around in the next few years. I'm not sure anyone truly does know, though.
But even if we are going to be around or aren't going to be around,
Shouldn't we be scared?
Shouldn't we be scared of the world we are creating?
I don't know if this post is even making any sense. My guess is probably not, diary.
It's just I really don't know how to explain it right now. I'm frustrated with people being unwilling to help other people out of the good of their hearts. I know there are good people out there, but I just don't understand why other people don't make those people their role models.
I don't get why you wouldn't want to be the best person you could be.
But maybe I'm just being naive.
All I know is that I try to be a good person. I really try and it bothers me to think that sometimes I'm not the best person that I can be. It bothers me to think that some people may think I'm not a good person. But, at least I'm trying because it matters to me.
The quality of person that I am matters to me because in the end the only thing that is going to matter is how people remember me. It's going to matter what kind of person I was and if I lived my life in a way that honored and inspired my family, my friends, and the people I've came in contact with. Maybe even the people that I didn't come in contact with.
It's going to matter who I helped just because I should, not because it would benefit me.
It's going to matter if I was a good person or not.
They are the things that are going to matter to me.
Sometimes I wonder what is going to matter to other people, and I would never wish for someone to look back on their life and be disappointed.
I guess what I'm trying to say, diary, is that life should be about more than the things that benefit you.
It should be about the things you do that benefit other people.
Because trust me, those things will benefit you to.
Even if you don't realize it.
Love Forever and Always,
Me
